ALL THE FEELINGS

This week’s blog post is a little more personal than informative.

Last week I wasn’t able to post because we were moving my sons into their dorm rooms for their freshman year of college. Yes, I have two sons who have left the nest and are spreading their wings out in the world.

And I have been a nervous wreck!

On the plus side, the day of move-in was insanely busy. There was a lot of loading, unloading, climbing stairs, walking, unpacking, putting away, and I can honestly say that I’m 100% sure I got a full workout that day with cardio, resistance training, and even stretching involved.

On the negative side, my mental health has taken a serious hit over the last eight days since we left them in their dorm rooms. I can say it has gotten better, without question. The first three days all I did was cry.

I cried when I did the laundry and found hoodies or t-shirts they left behind.

I cried when I walked past their empty rooms at night (not completely cleared out, just empty of their presence).

I cried when I saw their empty parking spots in our driveway.

I cried when I took first day of school pictures of my daughter, but her brothers weren’t there.

I cried when I saw vehicles that looked like theirs……

You get the point.

It didn’t take much those first few days for me to start crying.

And then it got better. I only teared up a little bit when I came home to empty parking spaces, walked past empty rooms, or saw trucks that looked like theirs.

I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Surely, I was the only person who was STILL struggling with my kids leaving home for the first time. Or maybe I wasn’t sad ENOUGH that my sons left home. I have friends who are now empty nesters while I still have a teenage daughter at home, and shouldn’t I be thankful for that? Or more sad about it? Shouldn’t I be EXCITED for my sons and this wonderful opportunity for them? But if I was excited they were “gone”, didn’t that make me a terrible mother?!

This vicious cycle of emotions played out for several days and after talking to more mothers about this I realize that it’s ALL TRUE!

It’s ALL okay. Feeling ALL the emotions is NORMAL!!!!

Struggling. Excitement. Anxiety. Being proud of them. Ready for them to GO. Keeping tabs. Enticing them home with food. Staying busy. Encouraging them to find themselves and find their way. Adjusting to the new normal is NORMAL.

There is no RIGHT way to feel. 

It’s okay to feel ALL of it: sad, happy, scared, excited, anxious, content, worried, proud, frustrated, joyful. 

Sometimes every emotion hits at once and it’s impossible to sort them out. Other times you can sort through the feelings one by one until they make sense and you’re okay with where you are.

I personally have tried every coping technique I could find. I’ve prayed. I’ve done breathing techniques. I’ve exercised. I’ve listened to relaxing music. I’ve listed all the things I’m grateful for. I’ve talked it out. I’ve distracted myself with everything from cleaning to cooking to eating, watching trashy TV, working, playing, shopping, and many others.

And everything I have tried is what I needed at the time.

But without a doubt, the best piece of advice I got was that it was COMPLETELY okay to feel everything I was feeling. And whatever it took for ME to work through my emotions was TOTALLY fine! Being given “permission” to feel and work on my emotions MY way was the best thing anyone has done for me through this process. And of course, the hugs.

So….for any moms or dads out there who have gone thru the process of letting your kids go off into the world, who are GOING THROUGH the process, or are facing this process in the future, I just want to say that you are allowed to feel ANY WAY YOU WANT about your kids leaving home.

It’s different for EVERYBODY and no matter how you feel about it, I guarantee that you aren’t alone. There are other parents out there who feel just like you, whether it’s happy, sad, or anything in between.

Until later……