What Do You Do When You DON’T Have a Support System?

You’re on a health journey. You want to lose weight/build strength/improve your eating habits/whatever the case may be. You’ve talked to your spouse, your co-workers, your family, your friends. They ALL know you’re working on making healthy changes in your life.

And for a while, things are good.

The first couple of weeks your family is fine when you make grilled chicken with steamed broccoli and brown rice for dinner a few times. The junk food is mostly gone and has been replaced with a fridge full of fresh fruits and veggies, string cheese, and Greek Yogurt cups. Overnight Oats has become the go-to breakfast in the mornings, and lunches are pre-made salads, wraps, or dinner leftovers.

You’re finding the time to exercise regularly, but conflicts are starting to pop up.

Dinner is becoming an issue. Not enough variety for the family and not having processed snacks available is wearing on your household’s nerves.

Your co-workers continue to bring unhealthy snacks for the breakroom – like cupcakes or donuts – and the pressure to join the group for calorie-laden lunches is piling on.

What once felt like a ton of support and approval of your new lifestyle has now become a daily battle. You’re no longer participating in certain routines, habits or rituals with your people and they are becoming upset by this.

They might feel threatened by the changes you’re making – you’re moving TOWARDS a goal while they are still in the same place.

They might be jealous of your success – you’ve lost some weight and it shows while they are struggling to drop a single pound.

They may be feeling hurt – mom doesn’t understand why you suddenly don’t want seconds or thirds of her fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, with apple pie for dessert.

They might be feeling abandoned – you used to enjoy a weekend of binge-watching Netflix and eating takeout, and now you’d rather grab trail mix, energy bars, and fresh fruit for a weekend of hiking.

They may even feel that as you’re changing, maybe your feelings FOR THEM are also changing – you’re wanting to work out while your spouse wants to sit and relax, and they feel you don’t respect them as much. You’re eating healthier while your kids still prefer junk food, and maybe they think you’re disappointed in them for not eating better. You’re not joining the work lunches or having the breakroom snacks, and your co-workers might feel like you’re judging them or looking down on them.

Whatever situation you find yourself in when it comes to support and accountability, there are ways to find the encouragement you need.

First, talk to your people. Sometimes just EXPLAINING where you’re coming from can go a LONG way toward easing some of that tension. I’m an evening walker – if I’m going for a walk, it will most likely be in the evening. My husband is a morning walker – if he’s going, it’s gonna be first thing in the morning. So when dinner was over and I was headed out the door right about the time he was ready to settle in for the night, he would get upset that I was just taking off on him. We had a FEW conversations about why I liked evening walks, that he was welcome to go with me, and that I wouldn’t be gone for long so we could still spend time together.

Second, maybe you and your people can compromise. If your co-workers want to bring cupcakes or cookies for the breakroom, maybe once a week you can bring a veggie or fruit tray. Or if they want to go to the Chinese place for lunch, maybe the next week you can suggest the deli or sandwich shop with healthier options. Or compromise with your family and agree that once a month you will join in on the movie-marathon weekend and enjoy some of the junk food with them with the understanding that you won’t be eating ALL of it (veggie pizza instead of the quadruple meat-lovers pizza).

Third, find a support group. Maybe it’s on Facebook. Maybe it’s a group of women from your gym. Maybe it’s just a friend who is also working on their own healthy lifestyle. But if family, other friends, and co-workers simply do not understand or have the capacity to help you out (or even directly sabotaging you – yes, it happens), it might be best to go outside your “tribe” and find like-minded people who can encourage and support you along the way. Being able to vent to others who are in the same situation as you can help you stay motivated to keep going even when your people don’t “get it”.

Fourth, find a health coach. As self-serving as this may sound, hiring a health coach is a great way to get support and accountability. Working with a coach can help you set attainable goals, they can help you navigate obstacles and challenges, they can help you stay motivated and encouraged, they listen WITHOUT JUDGMENT to what you’re going through, and they work with you where you are on your health journey not where you (or others) feel like you should be. A health coach will be the one person who is ALWAYS in your corner and understands what you’re going through, while keeping it real with you.

Those are a few ideas you can try if you’re not finding the support and encouragement you need within your circle of people. It’s also important to remember that sometimes this journey can be a lonely one. Not everyone will get why you want to change, or even see it as being important. But finding the right people to support on your journey will provide you with long-term benefits and encourage lasting change.