STOP PLAYING THE COMPARISON GAME

We all do it. 

I know I’m guilty. 

Go for a 2-mile walk in the evening, come home feeling great, and then see a post on FB of someone training for a 5k Run and think, “Gah! They are so much better than me! I should be running more/exercising more/working harder/etc.”

Well, newsflash to me – I have knee problems and I'm not supposed to be doing ANY running (unless being chased by something!).

So, why would I do that to myself? Compare myself to a person who DOESN’T have knee issues and actually LIKES to run, whereas I’ve NEVER liked running, even when I was perfectly capable of doing it?!

Everyone working on their health and wellness, at some point, has thought other people were doing better than them, that their efforts weren’t enough, or they can’t quite seem to get where they want to be like so-and-so does.

So, if comparing ourselves to others is a normal part of human nature, how do we stop doing that and focus on feeling good about ourselves?

Here are a few ways to help with the comparison game.

Focus on Behaviors rather than Outcomes. For example, an Outcome is a broad goal such as Losing 20 Pounds. The Behavior is eating 5 servings of vegetables daily. Focusing on the behavior of eating 5 servings of vegetables a day, consistently, is HOW you reach the outcome of losing 20 pounds. Focusing on the outcome is when you fall into the comparison trap – she lost 20 pounds on the fruit and vegetables diet, why can’t I do that? This also gives you the chance to celebrate what you HAVE accomplished (eating your vegetables), as opposed to what you haven’t accomplished yet (lost 20 pounds).

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude. As stated, it’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others, but also getting frustrated by what we don’t like about ourselves – too much belly, flabby arms, flat tushy. In order to combat the negative thoughts, it helps to cultivate the POSITIVE! You can do this by focusing each day on the things about yourself you are grateful for or progress you have made – ex. Healthy family, skipped dessert, took your walk, etc. You can either write them in a journal, put them on Post-Its and place it where you can see it every day, make what you’re grateful for a part of your prayers, or whatever works for you.

Watch Out for Triggers. We get up in the morning, make the coffee, follow our morning routine, and at some point we open our social media apps. And there she is….Suzy Perfect-Abs. The mommy-influencer on Instagram with 6 kids, 3 dogs, 4 rescue cats and a hamster, grows her own food, mountain bikes, rock climbs, volunteers at the homeless shelter, has a full-time job as a neurosurgeon, and in her spare time competes in triathlons. Just….no. If EVERY TIME you see Suzy’s posts makes you feel like a failure at life, then STOP! Unfollow. Block. Whatever. If watching her make vegan protein smoothies with a baby in each arm (because twins) while in training for her upcoming triathlon after a long day in the operating room is “triggering” you, then quit following her and focus on what you’re accomplishing with your own goals.

On the flip side of that, Start Following People Who Inspire You or Bring You Joy. I like following moms who are funny. Who find the humor in trying to SURVIVE raising our children into functional humans. I like being part of groups who are trying to accomplish the same goals as me (health, weight loss, changing to a healthier lifestyle), and are actively lifting each other up. And honestly, I get kind of annoyed when people jump into those groups and start complaining and spreading negativity. Make an effort to fill your social media feeds with as much positivity and inspiration as you can.

Lastly, Try to Fill Your Real Life with Positive People. Not every family member, friend, or co-worker is going to understand what you’re doing if you’re on a health and wellness journey. They just won’t. They like the status quo, don’t think it’s a good idea, or whatever. BUT, there are people in your life who WILL understand it! People who are going through a similar journey, or who admire the strength and commitment it takes to make the kinds of changes you’re making. Keep those folks close. They can help you with connection, accountability, and support.

Those are a few of the ways you can take the focus off comparing where you’re at to where others are. The stark reality is that there will ALWAYS be someone who is further along in their health and wellness journey. They’ve lost more weight, they are a size smaller, they can run further. But none of that diminishes from the work you’re doing, the accomplishments you’ve made, and where you will be in your journey down the road.