First Hiccup On the Road to Weight Loss

This is being posted with permission from one of my clients because it’s an issue that I would like to address with a wider audience and not something many of us think about when we’re starting our weight loss/health journeys.

My client and her husband had a disagreement about her efforts to lose weight, and it was something she wanted to discuss in our session.

The first few weeks of her efforts have gone very well. She’s been setting small, attainable goals and has met them each week. There’s not been a lot of movement on the scale, but we’re not focusing on that right now, only on helping her create the habits and routines she needs to change her lifestyle.

The first issue came up over the weekend. She and her husband were out with their children – 3 under the age of 10. So, they decided the best choice for lunch was to go to a pizza place considering the kids are picky eaters.

While money isn’t a huge issue for them, they still like to be financially responsible so when they eat out, my client and her husband will sometimes order an appetizer and split their dinner.

So, the kids are sharing a cheese pizza and a pepperoni pizza (2 medium pizzas total between the 3 of them).

Now the conflict arises. Husband wants to order an appetizer and split a pizza. My client didn’t really want the appetizer as most of the offerings were fried or otherwise not-so-healthy.

Husband was bummed but said he would just get a small order of fried mushrooms and save some for later. Great.

Next problem was my client wanted to order a “healthier” pizza – veggie, cauliflower crust, etc.

Husband was not on board with this idea.

Also, understandable. When you’re not the one trying to make the changes, it can be frustrating to feel forced into a situation where you have to make choices to accommodate someone else and not feel like you’re allowed to enjoy what you want.

After some back and forth, the compromise was they did go ahead and split a large regular crust pizza; her side with veggies, his side more like a supreme. They came home with leftovers, and everything seemed to be fine.

But the incident weighed on my client’s mind because she noticed this wasn’t ENTIRELY the first incident.

Husband has offered to pick up unhealthy treats on the way home from work or the store. Not really understanding why she said no.

When she just orders water instead of soda or other sweetened drinks while out, Husband comments. Nothing rude, just “Are you SURE you don’t want a pop?”

She’s making healthier choices at home together – almonds instead of chips; fruit instead of candy – and Husband seems sad she’s not joining him with eating their USUAL movie night snacks.

She made it clear that she’s had her slip-ups, but she’s working on progress not perfection, so she’s shrugging off those instances and moving on to make better choices the next time.

Yay!!! So proud of her!

But she wasn’t sure what to do about Husband. Her description was she didn’t want this to become an issue between them anytime food is brought up.

And my honest answer was, this is going to be something they navigate together. They are the experts on their marriage and their lives.

They will have to communicate. 

They will have to compromise. 

They will have to figure out what works and what doesn’t for them. 

They will have to find a way to be on the same page as much as possible.

These new habits aren’t just different for her, but also for him. He might feel alone eating an entire appetizer by himself when they used to split it. He might feel guilty for wanting his supreme pizza (not-so-healthy) while she is eating cauliflower crust veggie pizza (healthier). He might feel rejected when offering to pick up snacks and she declines, not because she doesn’t appreciate the gesture but because she’s choosing a healthier option instead. He could feel like she is “moving forward” with her health and weight loss efforts while he is “in a rut”. Maybe he likes the status quo of their dynamic and doesn’t want things to change, even if it eventually turns out for the better.

Neither of us believe Husband has malicious intentions or is trying to sabotage her efforts. Far from it. This is simply going to be a time in their lives where things are changing, and learning to adapt and roll with it are part of the process.

Communication and compromise, experimentation and learning. These are the ingredients that will help them work through the changes of forming new habits, meeting goals, and ultimately being successful in their efforts.